Acura Legend :
- I'm too bland for German cars.

Acura NSX :
- I am impotent.

Audi 90 :
- I enjoy putting out engine fires.

BMW 325i :
- I have less personality than my car.

BMW 525i :
- I have an intense need to impress people that I have never met.

Buick Park Avenue :
- I am older than 34 of the 50 states.

Cadillac Eldorado :
- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.

Cadillac Seville :
- I am a pimp.

Chevrolet Camaro :
- I enjoy beating up people.

Chevrolet Chevette :
- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.

Chevrolet Corvette :
- I'm in a mid-life crisis.

Chevrolet El Camino :
- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.

Chrysler Cordoba :
- I dig the rich Corinthian leather.

Datsun 280Z :
- I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.

Dodge Dart :
- I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.

Dodge Daytona :
- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

Ford Fairmont :
- (See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang :
- I slow down to 85 in school zones.

Ford Crown Victoria :
- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.

Geo Storm :
- I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.

Geo Tracker :
- I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.

Honda del Sol :
- I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.

Honda Civic :
- I have just graduated and have no credit.

Honda Accord :
- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45 :
- I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse :
- I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6 :
- I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Kia Sephia :
- I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.

Lincoln Town Car :
- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.

Mercury Grand Marquis :
- (See Ford Crown Victoria)

Mercedes 500SL :
- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.

Mercedes 560SEL :
- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.

Mazda Miata :
- I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.

MGB :
- I am dating a mechanic.

Mitsubishi Diamante :
- I don't know what it means either.

Nissan 300ZX :
- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass :
- I just stole this car.

Peugeot 505 Diesel :
- I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.

Plymouth Neon :
- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.

Pontiac Trans AM :
- I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 944 :
- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow :
- I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit too liberal.

Saturn :
- (See Honda Civic)

Subaru Legacy :
- I have always wanted a Japanese car.

Toyota Camry :
- I am still in the closet.

Volkswagen Beetle :
- I still watch Partridge Family reruns.

Volkswagen Cabriolet :
- I am out of the closet.

Volkswagen Microbus :
- I am tripping right now.

Volvo 740 Wagon :
- I am frightened of my wife.